I just made out with a guy for $7.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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