well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
