Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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