Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
