Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
