Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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