Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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