there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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