I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need water and some morals
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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