FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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