You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
