My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
