could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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