If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
