i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
