I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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