why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
