so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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