ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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