I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
