I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
