I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
