That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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