I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
