i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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