I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
