got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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