Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they're like a gay fantastic four
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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