Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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