I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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