It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
