You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
