im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
