Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
