its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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