Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
