Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
