I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
