I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
