she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
