If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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