why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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