I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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