Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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