You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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