I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
