somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
