It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
