I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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