hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
