I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
