we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
